Sword Art Online SI: The NPC Experience
by Lyrista
Summary: So a normal everyday Internet goer gets Self Inserted into Sword Art Online. Does our intrepid SI take over the story and become the hero? Ha! NOPE! He's not even a player! Just an NPC. How much trouble can an NPC get into? Hmmm...what's this ability? Quest Granting? (For fun SI fic)
1. Chapter 1

Sword Art Online Self Insert Edition

The Non Player Character Experience

Waking up in the morning has always been a chore for me. Getting up at 4am on days I'm due to go to work would be more bearable if it wasn't for my lamentable addiction to the Internet and my inability to know when to stop and go to bed properly.

Curse you Internet and your whispered lies!

Maybe if I didn't spend so much time on Spacebattles I'd stop staying up so damn late. Still time for another day in the life of a working stiff.

Speaking of stiff, I couldn't figure out why I was so stiff this morning. Maybe it's high past time I splurged on a new bed.

Oh who am I kidding I don't have the money for that...

I stretched and wiped my eyes as I blearily took in my surroundings.

Wait a damn minute, this isn't my room! Why the hell am I sleeping sitting down on a stool at an outdoor stall in the middle of a town!

My alarm levels continued to grow as the strangeness of the situation woke me up right on quick. Glancing around I took in the sights, it was a bustling town, the building design almost European.

The stall I was sitting in was on the outerside of a large plaza, which had what looked like a stone monument in the center topped by a small tower like object that had a clock on it.

This place felt vaugely familiar, tickling the back of my mind as I took in the groups of people coming and going. They were all shapes and sizes, young adult men and women along with others who looked to be more the teenage age. They carried a variety of weapons, mostly swords and daggers, along with color cordinated basic uniforms. Weird, there were a bunch of green crystals floating above their heads when I looked closer.

It looked like something you'd see a bunch of newbies wear in an MMORPG...uh oh...

The bad feeling in the back of my mind began to intensify as a HUD came into focus in my view, sure enough I could see a Life Bar in the upper left hand corner along with a name.

Lyrista.

It was my God Damn Spacebattles handle!

This HUD looked increasingly familiar as I swallowed hard and forced out a laugh.

"Ok then, I've clearly been reading waaaayyyy to many SAO fics and I'm now having a dream about it!"

My nails dug into my palms as I forced down the growing sense of unease in me as the sights, sounds, and smells were as vidid as reality itself.

"An impressively realistic dream! Alright then, defintely need to cut back on those SI fics if my subconcious is even thinking about it in my sleep. I'm sure I'll wake up shortly..." I couldn't help but laugh at this whole situation.

A few minutes later my laughter was getting a bit strained...

"Any second now...I'd REALLY like to wake up now!" my voice rose in a shout as I rammed my head against the hard table of the stall.

A stinging pain filled my head as my vision filled with stars as I promptly fell off my stool and onto the ground clutching my aching skull.

"Aaggh! God damn it that hurt!" I groaned as I rolled on the stone pavement of the ground.

After a few more moments of rolling I was finally able to pick myself up and get to my feet.

"Ok...stupid idea...and this isn't a dream apparently...shit..." I took several deep breaths and tried to calm down.

Ok Lyrista, assess the situation.

Apparently you've fallen into the cliche of Self Insert fics and have apparently fallen into a fictional universe. Not just any fictional universe, but the highly controversial yet popular Sword Art Online univerese.

"Great...just bloody ducky. Blasted Isekai tropes. Why here of all places?" I muttered.

Don't get me wrong. I like Sword Art Online, sure it's got it's faults and it's main character has it's...issues, but it was an enjoyable ride for the most part.

Watching from the outside is one thing, but having to live it was another thing all together! Knowing my luck I've displaced and replaced someone important and might of just broken the damn story before it had even begun! Hell, what am I going to do if I replaced Kirito or something!

"Damn...what continuity am I even in? The main one? Or the Hollow Fragment continuity?" I winced as another thought occured, "For the love of god please don't let this be the Abridged version." I don't think my poor mind could take that.

"Wait a minute...when in the story am I?" I glanced around at the roaming players, all of their gear looked brand new, it couldn't be very long since things had started.

I raised my right hand and swiped at the air trying to open the game menu.

Which promptly failed to activate.

"Crap...how did they do this again?" I swiped repeatedly in various ways continuing to fail to open the menu as my irritation grew. "Work damn it!"

After several more failed swipes I finally heard a ringing chime as the menu screen popped up before my eyes, just as the rushing sound of countless teleportations sounded in the plaza outside as it was filled with the entire playerbase of SAO.

The sky turned blood red as countless warning symbols appeared in the sky as the ominously crimson robed avatar of Akihiko Kayaba appeared in the sky and launched into his speech of doom unto the hapless players of the death game, filling their hearts with horror and despair. I didn't even register the fact that I could somehow understand Japanese perfectly now, missing the message of "Japanese Language Pack Installed" in English at the upper right hand corner of my vision.

All of this was lost on me as I hadn't been moved from my spot at my stall. My attention consumed by the glowing screen in front of me.

 _ **Name: Lyrista**_

 _ **Class: NPC**_

 _ **HP: 100**_

 _ **Str: 2**_

 _ **Agi: 1**_

 _ **Skills: None**_

 _ **Abilties: Quest Granting**_

I hadn't displaced anyone at all...I wasn't important. Hell I wasn't even a player! I didn't have any gear or items, I was just dressed in a basic shirt and pants you'd find on any random peasant in a town...

I was a fricking NPC in the game!

My final thoughts before shut down as I tuned out the pandemonium in the square as Kayaba finished his speech and disappeared was one final thing.

I'm doomed...

Authors note: This idea came into my head today at work...it demanded I write it...I don't know if I plan on continuing it or how far. It'll probably depend on if this gets any interest or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Sword Art Online SI

The NPC Experience

Chapter 2

Clenching my hands as I stared at my status screen, I tried to calm my fast nervous breathing down and think things through logically.

Ok, so I'm in a fictional universe of SAO. I'm an NPC, not a player, so at the very least I don't have to go out and risk my life right? That's a benefit at least. I can spend two years living in this city with nothing but the clothes on my back.

"Damn it all….." I muttered, "I have no col to use, no income, and I don't have the gear or skills to go out and fight monsters and earn more…."

I took a minute to scroll through my menu and search but sure enough I had no weapons affinities at all and no sword skill abilities. Clearly I was never intended to be out in danger at all.

"Well at least I can't die right? NPCs aren't subject to the death game rules I think…." I wracked my brain trying to remember. I think they respawn after 24 hours or something.

Then a chilling thought occurred.

"Wait….if I die and respawn…..would it even still be me? Or just a digital clone of myself?" I couldn't help but shiver at the implications, my body was completely digital now. Who knows what I might come back as.

"Plus there's no telling if that rule even applies to me….I sure as hell am not committing suicide FOR SCIENCE!" I couldn't help but frown shortly afterwards, "Hey wait a minute….I felt pain when I hit my head against the desk, I thought you didn't feel pain in SAO."

Damn it…...there's too many possible variables. I couldn't even guarantee that things would play out as they did in SAO originally. What would even happen to me if the game was cleared? Would I go home? Would I just get to deleted? Or would I get trapped in their world's version of the Internet? I couldn't worry about it for now, at best that was years away from now and I had to focus on the present.

I still needed a plan, I have to support myself somehow, even if it's just to get by. I studied my status screen again as I listened to the shouted conversations in the square by the panicked players.

"When the heck did I learn Japanese?" I muttered as another screen popped up as if to answer my inquiry.

"Japanese Language Pack installed?" I muttered as I read the text, apparently my new language skills translated over into reading as well.

I better keep this to myself if I ever get back…..no way I want to live the unpaid and thankless life of an online translator.

No one must ever know…..

"So I have a system log? That's handy at least….." then the implications finally kicked in, "Wait a damn minute, did Cardinal download this directly into my brain!?"

Great….just great…..the Master AI of SAO has a freaking direct connection into my brain! Any minute now I'm going to hear _**ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL**_ spoken into my head and then it's lights out for me!

I slapped my cheeks and tried to refocus, "Cmon Lyrista, positives! It'd be super awkward trying to manage here if I couldn't understand what the hell people were saying! So thanks Cardinal!" I said as I addressed my computer overlord in the heavens.

Then I finally realized I had been muttering to myself in Japanese this whole time too. Thankfully none of the players noticed or heard me as I facepalmed with all my might.

I then returned my attention to my status screen as my sole ability stood out to me.

"Quest granting? So I'm not a background flavor NPC, I'm a quest NPC? That's something….What's my quest anyway?" I muttered as I tapped the skill with a finger and a new screen appeared before my eyes.

It was an empty word processing document with a holographic keyboard at the bottom.

I grit my teeth as a rising tide of frustration rose in me. "You've got to be kidding me! My only ability isn't even working right?" I growled as I brought my fist down on the holographic keyboard. To my surprise, text appeared in the box as my random key smash wrote some gibberish into the window.

Wait a minute….I can write the quest myself?

This could actually have some potential…..

I glanced at the players who finally seemed to be getting themselves under control as groups began to leave the area on whatever business they were on. I was going to have to act fast.

I need materials and loot to be able to earn money, and if I can't earn it myself, why not get the convenient players to do it for me? Free stuff without any effort by me!

I got to work and began to type up the first idea that came to mind.

 _ **Quest: The Comeback of the Merchant!**_

 _ **Lyrista the Merchant came to the Town of Beginnings to seek his fortune, but monster attacks caused him to lose all of his Item Stocks! Cull the fields of monsters and bring him 10 Frenzy Boar Tusks to help him rebuild his wares!**_

 _ **Kill 30 Frenzy Boars**_

 _ **Collect 10 Frenzy Boar Tusks**_

Alright this will do. Not bad for something slapped together at the last second! When they bring me the Tusks, I can sell them to other NPCs for Col to live on, it's the perfect scam! Wait….what am I going to do for rewards? My farming slaves won't work if I don't give them stuff in return!

As I pondered this dilemma, a chime rang as another screen popped up next to my written quest. Oh, a rewards window! Apparently I can assign rewards to the quest via Exp and if I want, Col and Items. Since I don't have any of those, I'll have to assign Exp only.

"Hmmm…..apparently it restricts how much Exp I can assign based on the quest difficulty."

It makes sense. Can't have me breaking the game so soon after things started. Especially on a low level quest. Heck if Cardinal detects anything amiss from me, who's to say it won't just delete me outright? I better play it safe. I went ahead and assigned a 500 exp reward for the quest and finalized it.

A chiming sound rang as my Quest submission was accepted by the system and I felt a Golden ! Marker appear over my head to show the world my Quest was available and active. Time to wait for the little fishes to bite my offered quest hook.

It only took two minutes before I was noticed as I spotted several players looking in my direction and pointing me out to their comrades as they started my way. My first customers! I mentally rehearsed my spiel I would give as an "NPC" when I noticed something alarming.

More and more people had noticed me until several hundred people were staring at me with the intensity of starving wolves…

These were Exp hungry newbies and I was a fat succulent piglet just ripe for Exp harvesting…..

It then finally occurred to me I was going to have to recite the same quest line for several thousand people now. In a row.

I feel I may have made a horrible error…..


	3. Sidestory Omake: SAO SI ABRIDGED

Authors note: Wow…..I'm surprised and touched at the interest I've received for this story so far. Thank you for your support dear readers. You motivate me to continue. Now this time I have something fun for you.

Sword Art Online SI [ _ **Abridged**_ ]

The NPC Experience

As I studied my character screen and pondered the implication of my Quest Granting skill, the sound of a wet explosion from the square where our gamemaster overlord was giving his speech caught my attention.

I saw the video window of a man's head exploding in a gory fashion and I paled as this could only mean one thing.

I was in the damn SAO Abridged universe!

My scream of frustration harmonized nicely with the shocked cries of the players in the square as I vented my frustration to an uncaring world.

-Four Months Later-

Another day, another ordeal. I sighed as I manned my stall in the main thoroughfare of the hub town of the 23rd floor. It had taken a lot of work and effort, but I finally had a stable income and flow of customers as I had finally amassed the capital to open an item shop along with my main business of creating and handing out quests to the clearers of SAO.

There had been so many deaths…..the SAO abridged series had a lot of fun of portraying the vast majority of the rank and file of the players as retarded idiots, but seeing it in "real life" was a whole different thing.

I had to keep my quests as simple and up front as possible with instructions even a five year old could comprehend or I'd spend almost an hour just trying to verbally beat my directions into these imbeciles empty skulls! If they weren't returning with the wrong things, they would fail to come back at all! At first I had been horrified at sending living people out to their deaths just to gather virtual items for me, but it all too quickly faded into apathy before morphing into vindictive pleasure at purging the gene pool of these miserable failures.

Whoops…..started channeling Abridged Kirito for a second there. Better dial it back. Thankfully Ballsdee…...*cough* I mean Klein and his group were able to keep me in the black as thankfully they were reliable enough to keep coming back as repeat customers. Even had Kirito come by more than a few times, but I'm not touching that hot mess with a ten foot pole. Better to leave him to Asuna.

Just got to wait for a floor to open with a good location to build my permanent shop. I've got some ideas that should work out swimmingly!

-1 Month later-

Now I have officially seen everything. I am in my newly purchased shop on the 26th floor, and I am arguing with a player who is trying to sell me some of the worst crap I have ever seen.

It's a player with the head of a black cat. His name appropriately enough is Fluffles.

"Look Fluffles, I don't know what you take me for, but this _garbage_ you're trying to pass off to me as good gear is clearly garbage!" I growled as I fixed him with a glare.

"Rrrrooowrrr….."

"I don't care where you claimed it dropped! It's clearly crap! I'm not buying it!"

"Mmmmeeeooowww….."

"I don't care! Go foist it off on that hack Tiffany! That guy will buy anything!"

"Rrrrrroooowwwrrrrr….."

"Well maybe he had the right idea! You know your trash is trash if even he won't take it! Get it out of here! The stuff actually reeks!"

"Hhhiiiisssss!"

"What the hell did you just call me you overgrown hairball? You try to pull crap like that and I'll see to it that no one in SAO will ever do business with you period! Now get the hell out of here before I throw you out myself!"

The cat hissed at me one more time before finally leaving, slamming the door behind him. Stupid cat….how the heck is a cat playing an MMORPG anyway?

I thought that was the end of it…..

I was wrong….

-1 month later-

I was on my way back to my shop as I noticed a thick cloud of smoke rising in the air from the direction of my shop. Wait a minute, how is a building on fire in a safe zone? I had a bad feeling as I hurried to my shop only to find it in ruins.

As well as on fire.

A sign stood in front of it, text written on it in what appeared to be blood.

 _ **The Don sends his regards…..**_

Cold rage filled me as six months of work had now gone down the drain in six minutes.

A scream of rage split the heavens….. " **FLUFFLES!** "

This isn't over you mangy cat! Not by a long shot! No one screws with me like this and gets away with it!"

-Five months later-

I sat in the dim bar, dressed in my customary hooded brown coat as I nursed my drink, waiting for my contact to arrive. It had taken me five months to rebuild my funds and network, but my anger drove me on. That damned hairball and his mafia had to pay. My network of merchant NPCs along the floors and I worked with Argo's network to make life difficult for them, restrict their access to goods, find their member's identities, and their location. It had taken time but I was getting close. Oh so close…..

It was time for the coup de grace.

Ah there he is… My contact finally entered the bar and looked around before coming over when I gestured to him.

Kirito fixed me with a look as he sat across from me at the booth.

"You never call me for anything, this had better be good." he grumbled.

I glared at him, not willing to put up with his attitude today. We knew each other pretty well now, as his inner munchkin drove him to relentlessly abuse my quest potential when he realized just what I was capable of doing for him. I had worked on storing goodwill with him, all for one singular purpose.

"He's finally surfaced. I'm calling in my favor now." I slid an image crystal across the table to him, which he picked up and accessed, revealing the image of our hated enemy.

"Don Fluffles….." he growled.

I smiled mercilessly, "The one and only. He's screwed both of us over, and now it's time for payback. I finally found his base of operations. I've contracted BallsDeep69 and his crew to invade and smash up the place. You have a different job."

I opened my menu and activated my skill, sending him my quest.

 **Quest: Mopping up the Mafia!**

 **The Mafia has gone too far! It's reign of terror has angered the wrong people and they must pay! Heroes have assaulted their base, but the Don has made his plans to escape and evade capture! Hunt him down and eliminate him!**

 **Goal: Stop Don Fluffles from escaping and capture him!**

 **Bonus objective: Kill Don Fluffles!**

Kirito flashed a sadistic smirk as he read my request.

"Capture the hairball and you get 500,000 exp and a million col. Kill the little flea bag and I'll make it a million exp and 5 million col." I stated with my own matching smirk.

Kirito whistled appreciatively and hit accept and I felt the now familiar tingle of the quest being accepted. "I'll be back to collect shortly, just get ready to pay up Lyrista." he said as he rose to leave, "When's the raid starting?"

"Don't worry, you know I'm good for it. It starts tomorrow night, I'll look forward to good news."

Just you wait cat…..I'll enjoy putting your head on my mantle.

-1 week later-

Damn it Kirito! You had one job! ONE! He didn't get Fluffles, he couldn't even stop him from escaping! Kirito reported he had went off a cliff, but the little idiot didn't even think to check the monument of life! Sure enough, the cat's name was still intact! After failing Kirito's ass on the quest I threw him out of my new store and retreated to my back room to study my notes and maps.

That blasted cat won't escape me again! I found him once, I can find him again!

-October 2024-

Accursed cat! He's using the Knight of the Blood as a shield! I can't touch him while he's on Kayaba's guild council! If I use my influence among the NPC merchants to blacklist the KOB from using the NPCs, Kayaba will retaliate and destroy me! DAMN IT! Does that mangy hairball know Heathcliff's true identity?

Cursing bitterly, all I could do was continue shadowing the clearers and bide my time to look for an opening. That damn cat will not escape me!

I continued to monitor the situation as events played out as I expected, Kirito "fought" * **snickers*** Heathcliff and got his ass beat in no time flat. It was hilarious to see in person, especially after he let the hairball escape in the first place.

That in hindsight was a mistake when the rioting players almost burned me with the stadium when they leveled the place. I barely got out alive! Got to prioritize, vengeance first, laugh at Kirito later.

Still feel like I'm forgetting something important.

-November 2024-

My chance has finally come! Heathcliff is heading to floor 75: The Ashlands to engage in peace talks with the king of ashes.

Wait, doesn't that floor have another name? Nah I don't remember. Anyway….I'll just plant a little evidence that our hidden GM overlord is planning on betraying the king and while they're distracted with him, I'll use my group of high level NPC mercenaries I hired to break in, kill the rioting players and finally erase that mangy cat! It's the perfect plan!

-A couple of hours later-

I may have miscalculated a bit….

Currently tied up and suspended from the ceiling by a chain and pulley. Heathcliff and his group have been defeated and locked up. How they bypassed Kayaba's GM immortality is beyond me, but my mercenaries were slaughtered and I was captured.

Maybe I should of thought this through better….

The King of Ashes leered as he licked his blade, "Well well, looks like we caught us an intruder! Whaddya think we should do with them Fluffles?"

That hellspawn of a cat seemed to almost grin as he meowed.

"My god Fluffles! You are one sick kitty! I LOVE IT! Bring out the boiling oil!"

I locked eyes with the fleabag and growled, "Going to boil me alive are you? Do your worst you back alley cat! Even if you strike me down, I'll only come back stronger! I WILL KILL YOU FLUFFLES! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

I screamed by defiance as I was lowered into the boiling oil that the king's cronies had wheeled in and was enveloped in agony before my HP quickly ran out and my body shattered and I knew no more….

-An undetermined amount of time later-

Awareness came back to me slowly as my body pulsed with pain making me groan as I shifted on the hard floor as my sight blearily refocused.

I had returned to life after all…..

I slowly pushed myself upright and climbed to my feet, flexing my limbs as everything seemed to be in working order. My mind seemed intact as well. It seemed I really could cheat death after all! Yes! I have another crack at that damn cat!

Now I just needed a new plan…..

That's when I heard it.

 _ **Attention! Attention! As of November 7th 15:00 Aincrad Standard Time, the game has been cleared! All remaining players will be logged out! Log out procedures have been initiated!**_

No…..

NO!

The game couldn't be cleared already! It wasn't time yet! I realized then I had taken longer than 24 hours to "respawn".

"DAMN IT NO! That damn cat will not escape me! FLUFFLESSSSSSSSSS!" 

I roared as my vision went white as Aincrad dissolved around me and my awareness faded once more.

-Sugou Nobuyuki ALO Lab-

The scientist accomplices of Sugou continued to study the readouts and data from the ongoing experiments on the trapped player's minds as the information was fed into the mainframe that housed all the data from Sugou's private "fun".

"Experiments 1-6 have cleared, let us commence the next set" accomplice 1 stated as he manipulated the console with the tentacled limbs of his slug monster avatar.

"Wait!? What is this data? How did the anomaly data from Aincrad get into this mainframe? I thought Cardinal quarantined it!" accomplice 2 yelled as warning symbols appeared on the blinking console as alarms began to blare in the lab as the two scientists desperately tried to regain control of the console.

More consoles all around the lab began to blink in warning as the influence of the anomaly spread like a virus, jumping from system to system as the slug avatars were forced back by a surge of electricity as a wave of screeching static burst from the nearby speakers.

 _ **Fluffllllllllleeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss…**_ the demonic sounding voice hissed from the speakers as another burst of electrical energy pulsed out as the screens exploded in a shockwave of force causing the scientists to scream as the avatars burst and shattered as their HP was depleted in one go.

An unearthly howl of rage sounded from the speakers in the now empty lab as the data spread from system to system unchecked, searching for evidence of the word it spoke. Detecting the presence of players trapped in the lab it scanned the data of each player, and when not finding what it wanted, the containment on the player was shattered from the malignant program's anger as the trapped was forcefully disconnected from ALO altogether.

One by one, each of the trapped players was freed as they were discarded when the malignant program did not find what it wanted.

Asuna, locked in her cage, gasped in surprise as she suddenly vanished as she too was logged out as well, her connection's prison forcefully destroyed as she returned to the real world as well.

As she woke in the real world, her eyes adjusting to the light of her hospital room, her hand feebly groping in search of a call button to summon a nurse as gleeful plans of vengeance filling her mind to bring down her tormentor now that she was free. Oh it would be sweet indeed.

Meanwhile the program howled in rage as it infected and trashed the main storage system for all the data from Sugou's experiments, inadvertently broadcasting them in whole throughout the entire Internet as Sugou's plans were revealed to all in short order, as he had conveniently explained in great detail what he, Sugou had planned on doing with this technology and his detailed "plans" for Asuna. Suffice to say, things went very badly for him…

The malignant program then found the only remaining major system it had yet to check.

ALO's copy of cardinal…

 _ **I'll find you Fluffles…. I swear it…..**_

Author's note: There we go. My SAO SI version of SAO Abridged. Hope you enjoyed watching the SI go completely bonkers as his war with a house cat escalated.


	4. Chapter 3: What you are in the dark

Alright, here we go with chapter 3! Thanks for all the views, I really appreciate it.

Sword Art Online SI

The NPC Experience

Alright then, first quest has been made, the marks are approaching and it's time to make some money!

It's my first interaction with the players, this will set the stage for my entire time here. This moment is crucial! Got to knock it out of the park.

I quickly went over my script mentally as the first few players, apparently a party, came up and asked if there was anything they could help me with. Ah the standard NPC quest flag provoke.

Alright then, here we go, play it nice and calm and act like an NPC!

"WELCOME BRAVE ADVENTURERS! IT WARMS MY HEART TO SEE YOU ALL HERE IN THE TOWN OF BEGINNINGS!"

Damn it! I screwed it up! I needed a six on the intensity meter and I jumped straight to twelve! Not even ten seconds in and I've already failed! What kind of NPC starts a conversation by shouting like he's Major Armstrong from Full Metal Alchemist!?

It took ever ounce of self control I had not to cringe at the disturbed look the players were giving me. Arrrrghhh….I've already started, I'll have to role with it! Mentally cursing my stage fright from nerves, I pressed full speed ahead on the HAM express.

"I am Lyrista! Merchant extraordinaire!" I proclaimed while flashing them a confident grin before I let out a theatrical sigh, "Or at least I was, until monster attacks on my way to this fare city destroyed all my wares! I barely got here with my life! All of my supplies lost and ruined! I only have the clothes on my back to my name!"

I stood up and slammed my hands on the counter of my stall as I poured out my fabricated story to them. "Please brave adventurers, I need your aid in renewing my stock. Please clear out the monsters in the area and bring me ten frenzy boar tusks and I can use them to help fund my rise from the ashes of my empire! I promise you that the experience will help you grow!" I said as I emphasized the word experience.

That did the trick. The players assured me they would complete my task, and I almost jumped out of my stool at the sudden strange tingle I felt in my body as I saw the words "The Players have accepted the quest Comeback of the Merchant" in my information log.

"Thank you brave adventurers! I eagerly await the news of your return! Please be safe!" The players nodded as they left my station, already talking among themselves as they made plans to carry out my mission.

It was done, all that remains was to await the results for when they return. There now, that wasn't so bad, I can do this! From what I could remember, the Frenzy Boars were SAO's version of slimes from Dragon Quest, so this should be pretty low risk for them. Perfect to get their feet wet on.

"Excuse me, is there something I could help you with?" a new voice caught my attention as more players began to arrive.

Oh right. One group down, only a few thousand to go. It's for the funds Lyrista! Do it for that sweet sweet col! No one takes a bum who lives out on the streets seriously after all!

I soon settled into a rhythm, handling one group after another. Sometimes full parties, sometimes duos of players or trios. I tried to place any names I could to faces, but sadly SAO had stuck to following a core group of characters and the rest tended to be regarded as faceless mobs.

Still if I'm going to be living among them, I need to learn to recognize the better players so that I can make maximum use of them! The sooner my cash flow improves, the more options I'm going to have.

In the main story, the players spent about…...uh…...crap I'm forgetting already. Wasn't it about a month? I think it was. They spent a month in this floor, but they won't be here forever.

This is all assuming it even goes how the story went. There's no telling what changes my presence is going to cause here. Once they figure out how exploitable I am, their leveling pace is going to increase. But how much is too much? If an anomaly shows from it, won't that expose me to the system?

Hell I'm already going to be exposed from just simply acting different from normal NPCs. There's no way I can constantly hang out in this square all hours of the day, it's just impossible. I still am going to have to keep the weird behavior down as much as possible though. The more I do, the safer I am. No virtual recycle bin for me thank you.

Hours began to pass as group after group after group accepted my quest as I struggled to stick to my script, but dozens upon dozens of repetitions caused me to steadily lose and forget parts of it as I eventually had to alter it altogether. Players who hadn't want to wait at the back of a line eventually circulated back and accepted the quest.

It was a full five hours later when I finally got a chance to take a break and have a breather, if it wasn't for the fact that my throat is virtual now, I'd be sure it would be raw from the hours of non stop talking.

Being an NPC was EXHAUSTING! I hadn't even had a chance to look around the town since I arrived in SAO, but if I did wander off, would the returning players even be able to find me?

I wracked my brain trying to go over what I remembered from the SAO series, but I was drawing a blank. The lack of information was worrying, but there was no guarantee on how accurate the information was going to remain here. I was going to have to figure out how to get around in the world eventually, especially since the story had a huge time skip all the way up to the 74th floor. Information about the floors in between the 1st and 74th was fairly sparse.

SAO Progressive HAD started recently to address that, but it hadn't gotten very far before I was pulled here. It would give me only a limited safety net.

Another thought, how closely did I want to work with the clearers? There was already one piece of information that I could think of that would be helpful to them, but should I risk meddling? How would the dynamic change if I did interfere? Would it be better, or would it be worse? Kiabou's and Lind's groups fighting was indeed a problem, but the story showed they figured it out and managed to get to the end eventually. What if my meddling messed something important up?

What if my information wasn't even right in the first place? If I give faulty information, especially right from the start, that would irrevocably taint me in their eyes. Not to mention start some very uncomfortable questions being raised about me.

Still I knew at least one life rode upon this information. Diavel was doomed to die in his ill fated attempt to claim the last attack bonus of the boss. If I didn't step in, chances are history would repeat.

Would I really allow a person to die just to simply avoid potential inconvenience to myself?

The thought made me more than a little uncomfortable.

The sounds of people approaching caught my attention as a group of players neared. Oh I recognize them! This was one of the first group of players who accepted the quest.

"We're back Lyrista! We gathered them all, ten Frenzy Boar tusks each!" the party leader said as a chiming sound rung in my head and a window opened in the corner of my view, showing that I now had an inventory window and each of the party members had given me ten tusks each.

"Wonderful! These will go far in helping me rebuild my empire! I do hope you'll grace my shop with your esteemed presences when I get back on my feet!" I proclaimed as I felt my skill activate and granted them the promised exp for the quest. I hesitated as the group thanked me and turned to leave.

Can I really do this?

"Honored adventurers! One more thing!" I called out to them as they stopped to look at me.

I took a deep breath and made the decision.

"The master of the labyrinth of this floor. I have heard his name is Illfang the Kobold Lord! He's truly a fearsome monster! It was once said that he wielded a Talwar as his final weapon, but that is not so! I have it on good authority that his actual weapon is a fearsome Nodachi! He has mastered that weapon and learned many dangerous skills! Please beware and be safe!"

The players looked taken aback at the news and quickly began talking among themselves before thanking me and departing as I sat back down and exhaled sharply.

It was done…...the butterfly wings will flap now. For better or for worse I am now involved…..

Who knows what will come of this now.


	5. Chapter 4: Level Not? A Troubling Talk

Authors note: Wow, over 1000 views on this already. A personal milestone for me as an amateur writer. Your support and interest has motivated me to put more effort into this. So I just wanted to say thank you to my readers. It makes me happy to know that you are enjoying my work. Anyway, onwards!

Sword Art Online SI

The NPC Experience

Taking several deep breaths, I nervously tried to stop my fast beating virtual heart as the group of players who had turned in my quest in departed onto their next task. I had actually done it, I had willingly leaked information about SAO to the players. Not even one day in and I'm already calling attention to myself!

Was it really worth risking myself to do the right thing? I guess there is no right answer to that one. Still, if I can raise my image in the players minds, they'll come to me for more things.

Closing my inventory screen, I opened my status screen again and was startled when I noticed something new had appeared.

An experience meter….

Staring at the newly appeared bar, I could see I had earned a small amount of experience that I didn't have before.

"When the players completed and turned in my quest I earned exp? Am I actually able to level up?"

This opened a new host of possibilities! Would I gain stats, or would I learn new abilities and skills? Or could it be both? What builds could I possibly have?

I couldn't deny that my gamer's soul was stirring at the thought as I couldn't help a grin from crossing my face. I definitely have to explore this more!

"Lyrista! We've got the goods for the quest!" more voices reached my ears as another group of players returned to turn in the quest.

I switched to my NPC persona as I heartily greeted my returning exp bots. I mean players!

-That Evening-

Night was falling as the sky dimmed and the street lights in town began to light as I reflected on the day's events. More and more groups of players had returned bearing their wonderful gifts of items as I gave them exp in return as my quest was turned in again and again. I continued to pass on my warnings about the floor boss to each returning group as I gleefully watched my exp bar slowly but steadily build before finally at long last….

A happy jingle of music sounded in the air that only I could hear.

 _ ****Level up!****_

Sweet succulent Level Ups! Come to papa!

Eagerly I studied my status screen for my level up changes. I read through everything and discovered that…..

Nothing at all had changed. My stats and abilities were completely the same as before, I was only just now Level 2.

A little part of me died inside as a crushing wave of disappointment fell on me as I slammed my head against the uncaring stall table and groaned in frustration.

Why the hell am I able to level up if I don't get anything out of it! It's so unnecessary! It's so bloody UNFAIR!

Heaving an annoyed sigh of irritation I stood up and stalked out of the square. The evening was young and there was still a chance more players would return to turn in my quest, but I couldn't find it in me to care at the moment I growled to myself as I moved through the streets.

A chime sounded in my ear as a new window opened in the upper right hand corner of my line of sight. Oh….a mini map of the town! It seems I have built in GPS apparently. One of the perks of living in the database I suppose.

I wonder if I have a good data plan.

Well at least there's less chance I can get lost I suppose. It took some time to study my mini map, but I finally identified what seemed likely to be a residential area, maybe there was an inn I could stay at for the night.

Oh wait, I need Col first.

I found myself falling into my usual RPG habits as I began to seek out an item shop NPC to offload my loot from the players to earn some col. Thankfully my trusty mini map was up to the task and I soon found one. Hopefully it has an infinite amount of col it can generate to buy my drops otherwise things could get inconvenient here.

As I walked up to the NPC, all the sudden I felt a strange tingle in my body as I drew closer to Kriltan the shopkeeper.

What the…..since when did I know this NPC's name? Glancing at the cursor above the generic man's head, I could see no name at all. There was nothing hinting at his identity, yet as soon as I got close the name just popped into my head. In my confusion I lost the chance to give my greeting but to my shock the NPC looked at me and grinned in a welcoming fashion.

"Lyrista! Look what the cat dragged in! You finally made it to town! How have you been?" Kriltan exclaimed as he happily came forward and swept me up into a crushing hug, his hand pounding on my back as if I was his long lost brother.

My confusion only intensified. What in all the circles of hell is going on here? I somehow know this man's name and he's acting like we've been friends for years! Still I had to say something….

"Oh you know me Kriltan, I never could tell time properly!" I laughed sheepishly as I said the first thing that popped into my rattled brain.

Kriltan was always like this, he'd been running a sundry store for years and had taught me a lot of what I knew about being a merchant. It was he who had invited me here in the first place….

My thought process screeched to a grinding halt as I realized where my thoughts had been wandering. More information had just popped into my brain on it's own!

"I heard the bad news buddy, those monster attacks are a menace! Hopefully the adventurers can help you get back on your feet. Just be more careful in the future!" he said as he finally let me go and stepped back. Kriltan has always been a good guy I can depend on.

Gah! Stop it! I tried to reign my thoughts in as more and more foreign thoughts began to intrude into my brain. Is Cardinal doing this? Is it programming a backstory into me as part of this world?

Can it just download information into me whenever it wants?!

Still I had to remain focused on what I came here for.

"Speaking of getting back on my feet, I have some stuff to sell you Kriltan! These tusks will be perfect for making reagents!" I said as I began my task of selling off my gains.

Kriltan and I chatted a bit more before we parted ways, I a few thousand col richer as I began my trek back to the inn I had identified earlier, trying to get my emotions under control as I tried to push 'Lyrista' to the back of my mind.

That was seriously disturbing feeling thoughts that weren't mine being inserted into my head like that. Just how many more people do 'I' know in this town and would this keep happening?

Thankfully I was able to get a room at an inn without having more encounters with the innkeeper who just simply remained a generic NPC to me. Conveniently this inn had an attached cafe as well and I was able to purchase a light meal as well. It was simple and not very appetizing but it filled the stomach and quieted the hunger pains I had been ignoring throughout the day.

Surprisingly enough, another group of players that had taken the quest from me had found me in the inn as they turned it in as well. Their lack of surprise at seeming me seemed to suggest that I showed up on their mini map in town while my quest was active with them.

Well that's certainly convenient! At least I don't have to spend all day in that stall from now on! After finishing my meal and checking the time, I found it was getting quite late as I retired to my room to get some sleep. A lot had happened today I reflected as my first day in SAO came to a close, but I felt I was getting my feet under me a little.

Tomorrow is another day and it'll be interesting to see what is in store for me. Sleep came to me as my thoughts faded way into slumber.


	6. Chapter 4 Omake: A Restless Night

Sidestory Omake  
Chapter 4.5: A Restless Night 

My first night in SAO had finally ended and I had settled in to enjoy a well earned night's sleep. Drifting off into a peaceful slumber, my overworked brain was finally allowed to rest. For all of about five seconds. The sound of determined knocking on my room door startled me awake as I heard the sound of someone doing his damn best to beat down my door.

"Lyrista! Open up! We've got the goods to turn in for the quest!" Kiabou's distinct voice sounded as he continued his assault on my door to break it down. Or get my attention. I wasn't sure which. Nor did I care at that point either. I growled as I burrowed under the covers and curled into a ball, determined to ignore the cactus headed nuisance until he went away.

"C'mon Kiabou...we're making a scene. What if we wake up everyone in the inn? Let's just turn it in tomorrow, the NPC is probably sleeping anyway." Kiabou lackey #1 tried to reason with his boss.

Yes! Listen to your lackey Kiabou! Go away and let me sleep damn it! I'll collect your offerings tomorrow! I need my sleep!

"It's just an NPC! It's not even real! We're wasting valuable time here! Those damned Beta Testers will keep devouring all the resources like the plague of locusts they are! I won't let them keep stealing from the newbies! We have to get back out there!" Kiabou growled back and returned his to his assault against the mob monster know as my inn door.

God damn it Kiabou! It's day 1! Go to fricking bed and get some sleep like a normal person! Who do you think you are, Kirito?

Rage steadily began to grow in me as Kiabou continued to demand I open the door and let him in.

NOT BY THE HAIR OF MY CHINNY CHIN CHIN!

Just to show that my new Virtual Reality didn't hate me enough, angry shouts of players rang out from the nearby rooms, demanding the cactus headed idiot shut the hell up and let people sleep. While only just adding to the noise in the building as the din easily penetrated my stubborn attempts to block it out.

Alright enough of this!

Swiftly activating my Quest Creating skill, I got to my feet and stomped over to the door and through it open and greeted Kiabou with the most winning smile.

Alright it might of been cramped and my eye was twitching but it was a smile damn it!

"Ah my noisy Adventurer friends! How are you this fine night? I'm so glad I knew you were ok with how noisy you are! I'm sure everyone else in the inn is relieved to know you are well too! Now you have some items for me I take it?" I said as I fixed them with a withering stare.

I received the items from Kiabou's group and gave them their exp.

"Wonderful! Now my dear friends, I have a most important task for you! I must insist you accept it!" as I sent them the Quest prompt I had hastily written before I opened the door.

 _ **Lyrista the Merchant's interrupted siesta!**_

 _ **I have been cruelly awakened from my peaceful slumber! Vacate yourself from my sight and the building immediately!**_

 _ **Rewards: I don't call the guards on you  
**_  
They stared at the quest prompt with disbelieving eyes before looking back at me and paling as my cramped smile broadened into a sadistic grin before they all turned tail and ran out of the hallway without looking back. Heaving a satisfied sigh I turned away and slammed shut my door and locked it before trudging back to bed grumbling about those idiot players.

"Loony midnight grinders, why don't they get some sleep like sane people." I huffed as I climbed back into my bed and tried to get comfortable.

After burrowing back into the covers, I finally began to nod off as my awareness slowly began to fade as my eyes finally drifted closed.

Then loud knocking sounded on the door as my eyes opened with a crazed bloodshot glint.

DAMN IT!

Author's note: This is a joke chapter, so it's not cannon to the main story. Enjoy! Posters on spacebattles gave me this idea and I couldn't resist. Next entry will be chapter 5 as day 2 and beyond in SAO dawns.


	7. Chapter 5: You Dirty Rat!

Author's note: Alright then, time for chapter 5. Thanks for all your support so far. Love you guys.

Sword Art Online SI

The NPC Experience

Chapter 5

Awareness came back to me and I realized I was surrounded by darkness. Yet it was so wonderfully warm and soothing. Yes…..just a little longer…...my mind began to drift away as drowsiness began to lure me off to dreamland once more.

Only to be rudely wakened once more at the sound of knocking on my room door. This felt oddly familiar for some reason…. Grumbling I roused myself and paused to look at myself in the nearby mirror.

Short brown hair, blue eyes, yep it's my SAO NPC body. Wonderful. Sounds like more of my grinding slaves are back with loot for me. Speaking of which, I should probably answer that door at some point. After taking a moment to fix my bed head, I headed to the door to greet my "guests" and claim my loot.

-One Week Later-

I had finally settled into a routine, as I began to explore my limits and capabilities. It turned out I could only have one quest written and "active" at a time. For me to be able to create a new one, I either had to to terminate the quest which would apparently end all player participation in it, or all current takers of the quest had to have completed the quest and no one had it active anymore. I then opened a quest to start collection on drops from more advanced monsters yet still not strong enough to be too dangerous even to the noobs. Still with loot coming in from stronger monsters, my col flow continued to slowly increase.

During my spare time when I wasn't talking to players or other NPCs, I would spend it wandering the city and working to familiarize myself with it. I knew from my previous experience with SAO that the Town of Beginnings was the largest town in the entire game, but seeing and experiencing it in person was a whole different thing altogether.

They called it a town, but it would be far more accurate to call this a city. It was downright massive! During my tour of the city during this week, I tried to familiarize myself with the main landmarks of the city. Of all the places I visited, I'd have to say the Black Iron Palace was the most impressive looking. Still with all of the players lingering around it, I couldn't afford to call too much attention to myself by studying it too closely. The Town of Beginnings had the common facilities clearly intended for the players you'd find in any MMORPG but there was much more than that. The other buildings and structures weren't just background filler, there were plenty of other more common shops, libraries, sundry stores and the like. This was fortunate as I was able to spend some of my money to buy some daily necessities for myself. I don't know yet if I have an inventory size and space limit, but so far so good. Hopefully I'll be able to get somewhere more permanent to live before that becomes an issue.

I had yet to encounter any other weirdly acting NPCs, the ones I spoke to behaved like the more generic filler NPCs that you would expect to find. Limited things they'd say, limited triggers, and VERY limited responses. Was Kriltan just simply a random anomaly? I vaguely remembered Kirito encountered a few lifelike NPCs that were closer to AIs but they were the exceptions rather then the rule. I suppose I fall under that category as well now too.

I tried to take stock of how the players were holding up as well. The ones that were actively out on the front lines were only a very small percentage of the player base. The remainders stuck to the various beginner fields just trying to earn enough so they could continue to stay alive. Their mood was despondent and withdrawn. I even began to hear about a few players who couldn't take it and just simply committed suicide. All of them were strangers to me, but it was still harder than I thought it would be to see them in such a depressed state. There were still another few weeks and several hundred more deaths to go before the first floor would be cleared in cannon. All I could do for them was try to help them to level faster. Regardless if this is a good idea or not, this is just depressing to watch. The sooner morale is restored, the less chance we'll lose more people to suicides.

I've reached level four now as well. None of my stats have changed at all with any of my new levels, and I still haven't learned any other skills or abilities yet either. I'm holding out hope that I'll get something at least at level 10, but I'm concerned that my quest options will eventually dry up here. At some point I'm going to have to try to get to another town. Surviving the trip is going to be an issue though. Most of the monsters around the city are non aggro, but that quickly changes the further you go out from what I here. I'd get an escort, but all the front liners I know of are long gone from the city, the future mid liners have yet to gather the courage to go out. It's a bit of a conundrum. Still I've earned enough to keep me going for at least a couple of months if I budget myself properly.

After arriving back at my usual stall in the square, I settled in to wait for more players to return their quests while I passed the time by mentally going over in my head what I knew about SAO to try to make sure it stayed fresh in my memory. It was then my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar drawling sounding voice.

"So, I hear you have a job for me." a clearly female voice said as I looked up to see a very familiar hooded brown cloak, in it I could vaguely see curly auburn hair and gleaming intelligent eyes that were studying me closely. Her most distinctive feature however were the red line marks on her cheeks made to look like whiskers. I had been found by Argo the Rat. This could potentially be good, or really REALLY bad. I'd have to play this carefully. First step, stay in character!

"Ah! A new face! Welcome to the Town of Beginnings my friend! I am Lyrista the Merchant! Clearly you must of heard of me if you know I have work for you fine Adventurers! You have already all been so helpful to me it fills my heart with joy!" ok Lyrista, you're laying it on a bit thick, dial it down buddy. Argo smiled wryly at my spiel, apparently already thinking that whoever programmed me is a bit of a weirdo.

"Heh...right…..so Merchant-san, what's the job?" she asked as she made a subtle gesture which looked like she was opening a menu. Oh I see, she must be compiling quest information for her guide on floor 1.

"Yes, yes of course dear Adventurer! Have a look!" I activated my skill with a movement of my hand hidden under the table.

 _ **The Howl of the Wolves!**_

 _ **The Dire Wolves have moved too close to the Town of Beginnings! Traveling to other towns has become to difficult to risk! Thin out their numbers and collect their claws as proof of your heroic deed!**_

 _ **Kill 50 Dire Wolves**_

 _ **Collect 25 Wolf Claws**_

Argo hmmed as she studied the quest and rapidly typed up something in her window and nodded as she accepted the quest. She then probed me with a searching look before leaning in closer as her gaze intensified. "Now then. Illfang…..what's this I hear about that Katana of his….." so there we go, that must be the real reason she came to see me.

"Yes indeed, Illfang the Kobold Lord, my sources told me about how he was seen with his Katana, a real fearsome looking weapon indeed." I mused as I put on a show of working to recall what I had heard. I watched as Argo took some notes as she nodded.

"Hmmm….interesting….very interesting indeed…..so who are these sources of yours? I'd like to hear what else they know." she asked as she leaned in closer, a look of calculation in her eyes.

Shoot….now what. I had no "sources" and I of course couldn't tell her the truth! It'd sound way too crazy as it is!

"I'm sorry dear Adventurer, I cannot disclose my sources. After all then they won't be my sources anymore now would they? After all, information is part of a merchant's livelihood! I'm afraid that not even I could sell that information for any price" I grinned as I mentally congratulated myself for my quick thinking as I successfully cut her off from the price I saw she was about to offer as she had opened her mouth to say it.

Argo hmmed again as she stepped back with a disappointed look but she seemed to accept that. She understood the value of information in her own work. "I see….a pity to hear that. Let me know if you change your mind Merchant-san. I'll give you a good deal on that." as she turned to leave, impulse caused me to call out to her.

"Dear Adventurer please wait! Would you happen to have an up to date map of the region I could purchase from you? I lost mine earlier when I came to the city!" I asked her as I figured that if anyone had up to date map information it'd be Argo.

I could feel a chill race up my spine as she flashed me an innocent grin as she said, "Sure thing Merchant-san. Hot off the presses fresh map information. It's a bargain at 3000 col."

Why that overcharging little rodent! I could of sworn she had sold her guides to Kirito for 500 a pop! I winced as I realized 3000 col would be enough for me to live on here for a week! Urrrgh that damn rat is grinning at me like butter wouldn't even melt in her mouth.

I mentally apologized to Kirito for laughing at him for all the times Argo took him for a ride as I paid up for the map information as Argo and I parted ways.

Losing that 3000 col hurt but I need that map information damn it!

Authors Note: Ok it's done. There's chapter five. Honestly I am not as happy with this one as it felt difficult for me to get into Argo's head and mindset and I don't think I portrayed her very well. Part of my novice writing skills that stings. Also 4.5 is non cannon due to Lyrista not being able to have more than one created quest active at a time at this juncture.


	8. Chapter 6: Baby's First Skill

Alright, here's chapter 6. Sorry it took so long to get out but I've been busy playing a new game of Hollow Fragment. I erased my save and started over from scratch so everything takes awhile. I did want to play the Hollow Area storyline again, especially since I actually know what I'm doing now. Anyway, on with the show!

Sword Art Online SI

The NPC Experience

I am a moron. There just simply is no other word for it. Why the heck did I just agree to Argo's first price and not even try to haggle? What kind of idiot does that? This one apparently. What's done is done, I'll just have to move on and learn from this. I briefly reflected on the idea of trying to arrange some sort of payback, but quickly discarded it. Argo's soon to be network of contacts and informants could quickly make my life very very miserable if she put her mind to it. Getting revenge over the 3000 col might bring some momentary satisfaction but it wouldn't be worth the long term headache. Plus getting pissed over 3000 col to that extent would be pretty petty. Not to mention really really sad.

I sighed as I visited Kriltan the shop keeper once more to sell off my loot earnings from the quests that players turned in. As I showed him what I brought, I expected him to quote me a price to purchase them as usual. This time, Kriltan just gave me a strange look as he said, "So Lyrista. How much do you want for these Dire Wolf claws?" he asked.

I promptly froze up at this unexpected development. Why the heck is the NPC asking me this now? I have no idea that these claws are worth…

 _"_ _20 col per claw is what they're worth Kriltan."_ I heard my voice say as my mouth suddenly moved on it's own as my vision distorted with static dizzily. What the hell!? Did Cardinal just sock puppet me? My gaze moved to the various wares Kriltan had on display, I could feel something tingling in my head and as I mentally reached out to it, I could feel new information flowing into my head. I could see the value and cost of each of the items. Did Cardinal give me a link to the item database of the game? A chime rang and a window appeared in the corner of my view.

 _ ***Skill Acquired: Appraisal***_

Sweet! A skill! I finally got a skill I can use! Even better yet it's something that's actually useful to me! Now at long last I'll know the value of things. Wait a minute…..if I could learn a skill this way, I wonder if this could happen again…..

"Kriltan my friend, I recently suffered and embarrassing mishap. I ended up paying far more than I should of for a map, could you teach me the ways of haggling effectively?" cmon, take the bait! Take it! A chime rung in my head as a golden exclamation point appeared above Kriltan's head. A quest? Even I can get a quest? Even more interesting! Did this come from Cardinal or did I generate this for myself? I glanced at my skill window but I couldn't see any sign of my skill activating. Did Cardinal do this after all?

 **Haggling for fun and profit!**

 **Learn the ways of bargaining from Kriltan the Merchant!**

I frowned as I studied the quest information and found a whole lot of nothing. Shouldn't there be a bit more to the flavor text? Maybe quests weren't supposed to activate for me.

"So Kriltan, how do we go about doing this?" I asked as I accepted the quest. I was answered by an almost sharklike grin.

"I'm so glad you asked my friend! I'm so glad you asked….." Kriltan said as he led me into his shop. What followed was a grueling course of haggling and negotiation as Kriltan proceeded to drill into my head various terms and procedures in regards to haggling as my brain quickly filled to overflowing as I was given various percentages for items and directives on following market prices. The lecture continued. For four straight hours. All this torture just to learn a skill, do all the players go through this?

At long last Kriltan finally began to wind down as the lecture ended and my interface chimed again.

 _ ***Skill Acquired: Bargain***_

At last…..another skill to use. Opening my window I studied the abilities of the skill.

 **Bargain**

 **Gives a 20% discount to in shop purchases**

Excellent, this is what I need to actually be a merchant effectively. Buy at 80% of market price and then sell to the players at 90% price to make me the more attractive option instead of other NPC merchants. My cover story wasn't going to last much longer at this rate. After thanking Kriltan for his torture, I mean lecture, I took my leave and went out to immediately stock up on as many potions as I could afford without letting my funds get dangerously low.

Wait…..how do you vend items in this game? Is it another skill you have to learn? I know players did it obviously. Agil came to mind when thinking about shops. Crap….how am I going to get information on this? Especially after spending half my money on potions at the same time. Wait...maybe if I just ask Kriltan again? It worked before. Just as I turned around to head back to his shop, my vision filled with static as the world distorting sickeningly around me as I staggered and almost fell to the ground. A chime rang as new information filled my mind.

 **Ability Gained: Shop Vending**

Ok, this is nice but way too convenient. At least I can confirm that Cardinal is definitely watching me. It doesn't seem to be objecting to my presence at this time. Maybe it's just balancing me at the moment? Making sure I'm "functioning" properly? Well at the very least the system consents to me for now. As long as I don't screw with the game balance too much I should be good. I returned to the square to resume my quest granting duties as I activated Shop Vending as well and set up a shop to vend the potions I had stocked up on.

While I could exploit the money earning potential of this, I had to restock my wares myself and couldn't enjoy infinite stock of other NPCs. Solving that problem would have to wait for another day. While waiting for my player customers, I reviewed the map information that I had procured from Argo. It might be time to see what's going on in other towns and see what opportunity I can find. There might be less people on the front lines, but they have more money they can spend as well. Let's see what I can find…..

Author's note: Alright there we go. Chapter 6. Thanks for your patience in waiting, and I hope to have the next chapter out for you soon.


	9. Chapter 7: Escort Service

Hey there. It's been awhile hasn't it? I had originally intended to explain myself with how there is only so much time in the day and that there is a lot of stuff I want to do with my time. Then July rolled around and all the sudden I got laid off from work. Which while I now had time to write, my motivation was now thoroughly murdered. Found a new job, but now found it deeply hard to sit down and actually crank this out. The result caused this to be out way later than I ever intended and for that I am sorry.

Sword Art Online SI  
The NPC Experience

We were now two and a half weeks into SAO now and as I feared my customer traffic was starting to slow down. I still experienced a mildly regular flow of players to visit me, but some quick mental calculation and reviewing my log during downtime allowed me to calculate that roughly about 75% of the playerbase had done every quest I'd made so far for the local monsters close to town. I needed to branch out further or my cash flow would soon stop in its entirety! I had to either think of a new quest chain within the next week or so, or it would be time for me to move on to a new town on the floor and set up shop there.

While manning my stall in the town square like usual, I took out the latest version of Argo's guide that I had acquired from one of the local item shops. Suck it Argo! You're not getting a single Col out of me for the rest of the floor! I grinned to myself as I skimmed through the section about the Town of Beginnings and it's surrounding area, search for monster or item information I hadn't used yet in quests before a short passage brought me up short.

Holy crap I'M in the guide! I winced as Argo went on to describe me more or less as the Merchant of Ham. Ok fine, she didn't literally call me that but I can read subtext damn it! What was more alarming though was the detailed way she marked and listed places I frequently showed up at in town. Even when I wasn't out running errands but merely sightseeing. It was more than a little creepy to be honest, was Argo stalking me?

It took every ounce of self control I had to not glance around searching for Argo hiding in the square. Cmon, that's stupid. She has better things to do than follow me around all day. Another chilling thought struck me. Maybe she just hires other players to keep tabs on me….

I mentally shook myself to try to bring my thoughts in order as I continued to read my entry. She had a detailed list of all the quests I had given so far, complete with monsters to kill, items to gather, along with suggested key words to prompt me to give them or suggested times of day to visit me or locations to try to catch me in to prompt different outcomes. I scanned other entries about quest NPCs in town, but none of them moved around like I did or had the variety I did. It even turned out that I had accidentally duplicated a few other quests that other NPCs gave, which Argo also commented on.

It didn't seem too bad, putting aside her rather unflattering description of my NPC persona, she didn't seem to think I was anything other than one of the NPCs in the game. I'll have to see how things change when I start popping up in other locations, but things seemed to be good for now. If worst comes to worst I can try to build up my indispensability to the PCs. Any gamer worth their salt wouldn't be above exploiting the benefits I had to offer, even if I was strange.

Ok…..note to self, stop calling myself strange.

"Excuse me…..." a girl's voice called out to me, bringing me back to the present as I looked up from the guide to see a group of returned players, a party of three, all of which were a group of redheaded girls all wearing color coordinated leather armor. I hurriedly pocketed Argo's guide when I realized the other two members were eyeing it with a confused look as the leader of the party said "We've finished the quest you gave us!" 

_**Cocoa, Mint, and Kiara have completed the quest: The Long Grind!**_

My log chimed as I received the requested items and paid out the EXP required. These names…..I think I recognize them! I couldn't help but grin as I stood up to address them with my left hand dramatically upraised and my right hand subtly hidden in my pocket as I fiddled with my menu from there, my two weeks for practice letting me do it from memory. "Thank you kind ladies! If you have further time, I have a most important task for you!"

 __Girls were uncommon enough to be a point of interest in the primary male population of SAO, parties of all girls were an even more gossiped topic. You'd think the players had nothing better to do with their time! When I first met this party when they stopped in to get my quests they had tickled my memory with familiarity, but it was only a few days ago did it finally pop into my head that I recognized them. In the Hollow Fragment SAO timeline these girls were future members of the Assault Team and fairly powerful ones at that. If I was right about this and these girls had that same potential, they could be just what I needed. I finished manipulating my menus and sent the quest notification I had carefully prepared.

 _ **Quest Alert!**_

 _ **The Trek to Tolbana!**_

 _ **The road calls to us all! It is our duty to answer! Escort Lyrista the Merchant to Tolbana so that he may expand his trade! Do not allow him to come to harm and you shall be richly rewarded!**_

 _ **Bring Lyrista to Tolbana safely to complete your mission!**_

 _ **Bonus objective: Lyrista arrives at Tolbana completely undamaged!**_

 _ **Quest fails if Lyrista dies!**_

 _ **Recommended Level: 9**_

 __Forgive me Gamer Gods for I have sinned. I have spawned the dreaded Escort Quest. Hated and reviled everywhere. Every Gamer out there can no doubt think of at least one game they've played off the top of their head that had an escort quest featuring an NPC either as slow as a snail you constantly had to wait for, had the mental capacity of a retarded three year old, exploded if you so much as sneezed in their general direction, clearly had at least one parent that was a lemming, or just flat out did their damnedest to get you killed while they strolled invulnerable through every hazard they had an uncontrollable urge to go straight through.

Lucky for my escorters, I had a well developed sense of self preservation that will keep me from acting like a moron on escort quests. Yep, totally well behaved. Surely I have thought of everything and nothing can possibly go wrong with this!

The girls read the quest I sent them and quickly turned to each other as they pulled out their own copies of Argo's guide and began to read through it rapidly while searching for something.

"Tolbana? Where is that located? Is there map information out for it?" Cocoa asked her team as she read.

Wait what? Shouldn't that information be available? I controlled the urge to pull out my copy of Argo's guide as I frantically racked my brain trying to recall the timeline.

Mint frowned as she continued to flip from page to page, "Nothing….the guide doesn't have any information at all….maybe it's undiscovered?"

I struggled to keep my expression composed as I could practically feel the digital sweat rolling down my face. What the heck is going on?! I thought Tolbana was discovered three weeks into…

My thoughts came to a screeching halt as the I recalculated the date. We were two and a half weeks into the game! Tolbana hadn't been reached yet by the front liners!

"Do you think this quest is bugged?" Kiara asked as the girl's discussion continued.

"It can't be, we just must have been the first to unlock this quest! If we complete it, we could sell this information to Argo and get some great Col off it! We've hit the recommended level as well, we should be set!" Cocoa said making the other two nod in agreement.

"The NPC must know the way, he'll guide us and we just have to get him there in one piece, easy right?" Mint exclaimed with a grin. The girls reached a consensus and turned back to me with a bright smile.

"We'll take the quest!" they said as one.

The ringing chime of the quest being accepting felt like a death knell on my soul as I mentally floundered for a response. The girls took my silence for consent as they chattered among themselves about the preparations they were going to make as I slowly slumped back into my seat with a dead look in my eyes. It's time for my first escort quest as an NPC. To be taken to a player unexplored town within a stones throw of the Labyrinth.

A town I had no clue how to get to. I flopped face first onto the table of my stall as I couldn't help the scream of frustration that burst forth.

"GOD DAMN IT!"

 **There we go. There's Chapter 7. I am terribly sorry this took so long to get out to you all. I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks for your continued support and your feedback as well. I'll get the next out as soon as I can.**


	10. Chapter 8: Mob Mayhem

_Well it's that time again. Time for the next installment of the Merchant of Ham. When we last left our intrepid NPC non protagonist he had just spawned the dreaded escort quest for his unsuspecting victims, only to find out he has no idea where the destination actually is? Will Cardinal take pity and give poor Lyrista a GPS function? Or must our blundering hero navigate himself? Tune in and find out._

 _Sword Art Online Self Insert Edition_

 _The NPC Experience_

 _Chapter 8: Mob Mayhem_

There was no turning back now….. I made the quest and I have to commit! The NPC can't abandon his quest and continue on like nothing happened! I hurried back to my room I had rented at the Inn while trying not to run into anyone in the process. Thankfully the other players seemed to be used to me by now, and once they realized I was an NPC they ignored me after a glance and continued on with their business. I had no idea how long I had until the my impromptu tour group starting looking for me after they finished getting ready to go. Even though I screwed up and selected a town that had not been found by players yet, I had at least already gathered some traveling supplies in preparation for the trip. Once I arrived at the Inn I had a quick word with the Innkeeper to end my reservation of my room at the end of the day before adjourning to my room to equip the hooded traveling cloak I had bought a few days ago. Having a seat in the nearby chair I pulled out Argo's guide book again and flipped to the pages containing the map information she had documented.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus as I studied the map closely and tried to plot a path. Alright, according to what I remember of SAO, the first floor is about 10 kilometers in diameter so we're looking at a trek of about 6.2 miles or so. The starter town, the Town of Beginnings was located at the southern edge of the map, it looks like a good 80% or so of the floor 1 map had been explored with the majority of the unexplored area is at the north end of the map. The Labyrinth tower surely had to be there once we got close it'd have to stick out like a sore thumb. Now….what would be the most optimum route? It was times like this I'd wish I'd got into speed running….. but then again I don't think Cardinal would appreciate me glitching things out. Yeah….better stick to legit methods.

There were mainly grasslands surrounding the town mostly inhabited by the boar and wolf type starter monsters though you could find some insect mobs a bit further out. Shouldn't be any sort of threat to the girls escorting me. Straight to the north of the grasslands we have a mountain range. Argo notes that there doesn't seem to be an accessible path through so the players had been either advancing to the northwest through a forest region or to the northeast through a lake region. I frowned as I tried to calculate the odds in either of the options. The forest option is where that Anneal Blade quest is wasn't it? Once the word got out about the Anneal Blade got out a veritable truck load of players swarmed that area trying to get their hands on one of the better if not THE best one handed sword on the floor. Still with the Little Nepenthes and the quest item's insanely low drop rate, few had succeeded getting it. The plant monsters in the area were doable now that the strategy for them was known and there was the benefit of having Horunka village in the area if we needed to stop and resupply. Though would it be worth answering possible questions if other players saw me out with the group? I don't think the PKs had really gotten started yet but still…

I glanced over and studied the lake region to the Northeast. The terrain was pretty open here unlike the forest so it was easier to see mobs coming and plan accordingly. This region like the forest region was really the first two places were the players had to constantly deal with monsters actively attacking them on sight unlike the grassland's non aggressive monsters that waited for you to aggro them first before attacking with the sole exception of the Dire Wolfs, but those were relatively uncommon and the players almost never had to deal with more than one at a time. The primary enemy in this region were the Wild Toads they were relatively slow, but according to the guide they would lash out with their tongues so they had reach on the players. Still they weren't too hard to predict and I was reasonably confident that with the girl's levels they would be more than a match for the amphibians. There was also the fact that Medai Village was in that direction as well so that'd work for a resupply spot as well.

Quickly reading through the descriptions of Horunka and Medai's available amenities it was clear that while fairly basic we could supply on potions and the girls could repair their gear if need be. Lodging was available as well if necessary but I was hoping that the trip could be accomplished in a single day if at all possible. I needed to be on site and at hand if I was going to be in time to help the clearers get ready for their assault on the tower. Capitalism Ho!

Silently facepalming to myself I made a promise to never do something like that again. Thank god no one can see this…. Quickly glancing at the in game time I hurried through the rest of the map. Both regions would then meet up into a valley region that had various ruins throughout the place. According to the guide these were the sights of several mini dungeons that the clearers had to access and clear out to open the seal of the dungeon at the base of the mountain range. Now that the path was open I could safely ignore those dungeons on the way to Tolbana, but I made a few mental notes about the monsters and their drops as potential opportunities for later. I flipped to the next page to begin reading about the main ruin as Argo had noted there didn't seem to be any other way to proceed forward. This must be one of the main field dungeons for the floor. From what I recall about SAO the field dungeon served as major objectives for the clearers to solve before they could reach the labyrinth so while the sub ones may have some that could be ignored, these main ones ended up being required.

As I began the process to memorize the dungeon map I quickly checked out the list of monsters, noting that members of the Kobold family started appearing for the first time in this ruin. These were the grunts, basic footsoliders so they didn't use any sword skills yet, but they were noticeably stronger than the outdoor field monsters and required more care as these wore armor as well forcing the player's strikes to need to be more precise. Still this looked reasonably doable, shouldn't be too hard to get through. Once through we were getting close to the unexplored area, I was hoping we'd be able to navigate by sight from there. Still it wouldn't hurt to double check the layout of the area. As I moved to turn to the next page I was startled by a sudden knocking on my door.

"Lyrista? Are you in? We're all ready to go anytime." Cocoa's voice came through the door as she continued to knock on the door.

"Should we maybe wait at his stall? This might not be the right launch point." said who I was pretty sure was Mint. Cocoa's knocking paused for a moment before resuming.

"The quest marker says he's here though. It must start from here, who knows how long he'll be in there if we wait at the stall! Besides, what if another group comes by and accidentally triggers the quest themselves and we lose it! We can't miss this opportunity, we are going to join the clearing group right?"

You have got to be kidding! How much time has passed already!? I don't even have my route fully planned yet! Maybe if I hide in here? No that won't work, they can see a quest marker of me! I hurriedly stuffed my guide into my inventory and straightened my clothes as I moved to the door to greet the party. Ad libbing skills don't fail me please! Gah, I guess it's time for the my ultimate technique. Flying by the seat of my pants! Moving to the door I opened it to greet my guests.

"Ah, my good friends! It's good to see you once more! I trust you are all prepared for our perilous adventure?" I exclaimed with a gesture of the traveling cloak I was now wearing. Yep that did it, I could tell they just barely suppressed the urge to roll their eyes at my antics. Yes, pay no attention to the crazy NPC! They'd be more likely to ignore weird behavior if I stay in character.

"Er, yes! We're ready to go. Shall we get going Lyrista?" Cocoa asked as she stepped aside to allow me to leave the room. I nodded as my eyes flicked to the side to check the time on my HUD. Good still plenty of time left in the day.

"Indeed we shall! Let us proceed to Tolbana friends!" I said as the girls followed me down the stairs as we left the inn. Within 10 minutes we completed our trek through town and exited out the northern gate as I took my first steps out of the Town of Beginnings into the wider world of SAO. I took a deep breath as I took in the scenery around me. This was it, my first foray out of safety and into the wider world. I would no doubt do this many times in the future, but this first moment felt… special in it's own way. Like I was a toddler taking it's first steps. Or I assume that's what it'd feel like as no one actually remembers that. I was distracted from my rambling thoughts as my escort gathered around me, looking at me expectantly. Oh right! I'm supposed to be navigating! Uh, which way are we going to go again? Crap, got to decide.

"Now my friends, let us be off! Let us go to Medai village first, and we will head for our next objective from there!" There we go, that'll buy me time to think and figure out the latter half of the trip! The girls nodded and after a quick conversation with each other took up a formation around me, Mint and Kiara at my sides and Cocoa in the lead. Looks like they all have a good grasp on things and I should be in good hands. This area should be pretty low risk anyway.

"Please stay in the formation Mr. Lyrista, we'll keep you safe and sound." Cocoa assured me with a smile as our group started off through the fields. Yep, these girls have seen escort quests before. Not to worry ladies, no suicidal NPC shenanigans from me! I'm fond of my life! I glanced around as we walked, taking in the Frenzy Boars around us. The original feeding frenzy in the fields had passed and these areas that used to be jam packed with players 24/7 had finally died down to a trickle as most had moved on already and the remainder were the occasional groups who came out to earn money for their food and lodging in town.

Well mobs or not, these are the non aggro slimes of the game so they should let us by as long as we leave them be. Even if that group of them is turning right at us and is….oh crap charging at us! The girls had already raised shouts of alarm and drew their weapons as they urged me to step back as they clashed with the charging Frenzy Boars. I obediently hung back and looked on as they made quick work of the weak mobs.

"What's going on? Why did the boars attack us? Did one of you provoke them?" Cocoa asked as she looked around in confusion.

"No! We didn't even look at them!" Mint said as she sheathed her weapon, looking around as well.

"That makes no sense….the boars never attack people unless you provoke them first, Argo's guide says so as well!" Kiara said as she turned around towards me before recoiling in surprise and shouting to me urgently, "Mr. Lyrista watch out! There's more coming!" I didn't even stop to look but ran right toward the group and diving behind them as they ran to meet the newly arrived group of boars. I kept an ear on the battle as I continued to glance around warily. What the hell is going on? These mobs are getting way too aggressive all the sudden! A disturbing thought entered my mind, was I to blame? This was an escort quest after all, is Cardinal spawning aggressive monsters to kill me?

I frowned as I could hear the battle was winding down. I don't think it's a deliberate attempt to murder me…. At the very least not beyond the confines of the quest itself. Monsters relevant to the difficulty and level of the field were appearing. It was still being kept fair. Still….. I was going to have to be even more careful. The battle soon ended as abnormal number or not, these were just Frenzy Boars. Nothing lvl 9+ players couldn't handle regardless of the number. We soon set off again, far more cautiously than before.

The battle concluded soon afterwards and our journey resumed after a short discussion between the party about the strange mob behavior as we continued toward Medai. To my concern the mob behavior continued as all monsters we encountered attacked us on sight, regardless of the aggro settings and I seemed to be the primary Hate target if the mobs had a clear line of sight on me. The girls however were able to take over aggro if they were in the way of the mobs or if they attacked the mob. I focused on staying out of the way and out of range. It was impressive watching them work, their movements were crisp and fluid and their crowd control abilities worked flawlessly as well. Though I don't have anyone to compare them to yet….

We continued to travel to the Northeast toward Medai Village and while I was initially concerned, _**I found I didn't have to worry as the direction to the village always was clear to me.**_ After roughly about an hour we were able to exit the beginner fields and take our first steps out into the Lake Region. It truly was a beautiful sight to see, small lakes dotted the landscape over the flat plains with the mountains off to the north. Now where was Medai Village again in this region? My escorts and I had paused for a short break as they were discussing amongst themselves possibly stopping to hunt one of the drops off the Wild Toads here while I tuned them out and I tried to mentally call up the map from the guide in my head, not wanting to pull out the guide in front of the girls again as I tried to calculate where I was. It was difficult to recall as memorization was never my strong suit. _**Medai village is half an hour north by northeast from our present location**_ I belatedly realized and was about to turn to inform my escorts when I realized they surely had to know about that anyway thanks to the guide! Feeling like an idiot I settled in to wait while they finished their conversation.

I was interested in seeing what the Wild Toads were like, I had built a mental picture in my head of the Giant Toads from Konosuba, but surely they wouldn't put something like that on the first floor would they? Kayaba supposedly made sure to keep the game fair. Not easy, but fair. It turned out the Wild Toads themselves weren't giant but the size of horses. They hopped around ponderously, but fairly slowly as Cocoa, Kiara, and Mint move in to engage them. Oddly they don't seem to be all that worried about attacking them. The girls seem to be rather puzzled as well but continue to hack away at them while the Toads bounce around. Several of the Toads died without hurting my escorts and I had to wonder, why aren't the mobs fighting OH SHIT!

Yelping with all the manliness of a startled six year old girl I fell to the ground on my back just barely dodging the Toad's tongue that lashed out to grab me! I quickly rolled to the side, just barely dodging a follow up attack.

"They're going for Mr. Lyrista! Stop them!" Cocoa yelled as I scramble/crawled away desperately trying to regain my footing and stand up when a powerful yanking sensation lifting me off the ground and threw me into the air. What the hell! Since when can toads do that!? I mentally screamed as I flew up into the air flailing helplessly with the toads tongue still wrapped around my leg. I looked down as I fell to see the Toad's open maw waiting for me. I gritted my teeth and couldn't help but close my eyes in the face of my onrushing devouring. Oh cmon on I'm going to die on floor 1!? Seriously!

The sharp sound of shattering glass filled the air as my falling body jerked to a stop as I heard a feminine grunt and a strong grip on me. I opened my eyes to find myself looking into Cocoa's eyes.

"Mr. Lyrista! Are you alright? Are you hurt?" she asked as she looked at me worriedly, the sounds of combat around us ending as Kiara and Mint finished off the remaining toads. I'm being held in a blasted princess carry. This is embarrassing as heck! My pride may be in tatters, but there's no way I won't show gratitude for saving my life.

"Errr. Yes! I am quite well! I'm pleased to see my choice in bodyguards was well made. You three are quite fearsome indeed!" A quick glance at my HUD showed I am still at full health. It looks like the grab didn't take any HP from me, but the landing or getting eaten would of. "I seem to be none the worse for wear either. My health is perfect!"

"What a relief! We didn't lose the bonus completion after all!" Cocoa said to her party members as I couldn't help but feel an emotional stabbing sensation directly to my heart. Gah! So I'm just a quest objective after all! Give me back my gratitude damn it! While I internally seethed Kiara glanced from Cocoa to me and back.

"Say Cocoa, just how long are you going to hold him like that?" she asked with an 'innocent' smirk. Cocoa looked down at me in her arms as if she finally registered what she was doing with a squeak of surprise/embarrassment dropped me to the ground with a painful thud and another yelp of pain from me. Cocoa turned to her party members and protested with a bright blush on her face.

"Cmon Kiara, I just didn't want him to get injured and for us to fail the bonus object…." she trailed off as all three of them got a quest update at the same time.

 ****Lyrista took damage! Bonus objective failed!****

Cocoa's mouth flapped soundlessly, her left eye twitching as she read the message over and over again. Several seconds passed as the message was digested by the group.

"NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" three voices screamed to the heavens while I continued to look up at the uncaring sky from my back on the ground. Staring at my HP meter which had gone down by 1 for the fall.

This was going to be a long trip…

Authors note: Well here we are. Chapter 8. I finished it in time for Christmas after all! I hope you all enjoy it. I actually had another event I wanted to originally end the chapter on, but this one was already getting long enough as it is. We'll see how next chapter pans out. Happy Holidays!


	11. Chapter 9: An Awkward Encounter

Well here we are once more. It's time once again to join the Merchant of Ham's adventures as the trip to Tolbana continues. When we last parted with our intrepid group, a freak accident after the battle with the toads caused the bonus objective for the mission to Tolbana to be lost! Will the girls continue to give their all to protect Lyrista when there is no more benefit to perfect protection? Let's find out! Also I'm sorry it takes so long in between chapters. Working a full time job doesn't give me a lot of time to write, especially that I need a good nights rest to be in any condition to face the next day. Add in my other hobbies and there just isn't time. Plus I'm a procrastinator by nature so that doesn't help. Still I appreciate my readers loyalty, watching the views go up keeps me going when the juices of my motivation aren't flowing. Thank you for your patronage!

Sword Art Online

The Npc Experience

Chapter 9: An Awkward Encounter

I continued to stare up into the uncaring sky, as if trying to find the meaning of my existence as I tuned out the girl's bickering as they argued about who's fault it was that they had failed the bonus objective to keep me untouched.

Why me CARDINAL, why must you torment me so? I stifled an annoyed sigh and climbed to my feet. Laying around sulking wasn't going to get anything done. Alight my battle monkeys, it's time to do my bidding!

"Please my friends, there's no need to bicker. I'm sure my little mishap is nothing more than an unfortunate accident! Let us move on before our amphibian aggressors return once more!" I prodded with a smile as the girls averted their gazes blushing slightly, embarrassed at bickering in front of what they thought was a computer program.

"Errrr right! You're absolutely right Mr. Lyrista! Let's get going!" Cocoa urged as she shooed us onward and we resumed our journey. I kept a much closer eye out for the Wild Toads, I have no desire to end up on the lunch menu thank you very much. My inability to keep up and my lagging situational awareness made it PAINFULLY clear that I was by no means cut out for combat. Not to mention the paranoid concern that now that there wasn't a bonus objective on the line anymore my guards might not be so zealous anymore….

That worry soon proved unfounded and not to mention made me feel more than a little guilty when after several more encounters with Wild Toads the girls guard and watch over me had increased substantially. It was during the second encounter that something surprising happened, I watched the girls fight staying well back from the melee, hyper alert for another tongue lash attack from the toads when a blinking icon at the corner of my view caught my attention.

A log alert? I realized I had several backlogged and hadn't even realized it. Had I been so on edge from the trip I had stopped paying attention. When I saw that the melee was winding down as the group killed the final mobs I opened my stockpiled alerts.

My mouth dropped open as I scrolled through a rather substantial list. They were monster drops! A lot of them as well! Quickly cross checking them with my memory I realized they were common drops from all the various monsters my guards had killed so far. It didn't look like all kills dropped items, but a fair number of them had, including a number of Toad Legs from the wild toads in the area. Wait so if I'm with a group of players while they hunt I can get drops from their kills? Or was it only during escort quests? Or did it work with just partying with them? My mind whirled with the possibilities. None of these drops were anything amazing, they were all common drops after all, but this opened up so much possible potential! I couldn't help but smirk devilishly at the possibilities this would…..

"Mr. Lyrista?" Cocoa's voice reached my ears as I jerked in surprise waving the window away from my vision to see the girls staring at me with confused and slightly concerned expressions, "Umm…. What are you doing?"

Urrrkkk they caught me being a weirdo again! Why the hell do I keep doing this in front of players! My Argo's guide entry is going to get even stranger! I hurriedly coughed and said the first excuse that came to mind as I materialized several of the rather large Toad Legs and held them up with a dramatic flourish as the girls cringed away from the wet, fleshy, and rather…. ick…. fragrant appendages.

"Sorry my dear, I was just collecting some of these fine specimens! Toad Leg meat is considered a fine delicacy in these parts and I'll no doubt gain a marvelous price for these wonderful examples. I can't thank you enough for helping me to collect these!"

Mint made a sheepish noise of agreement taking a subtle step back, "Ah…. I see….. that's good….. right?" she glanced an aside at Kiara and muttered, "Toad Legs? People eat those?" Willingly? Mr. Lyrista sure is an odd one…."

I plastered an innocent smile on my face, struggling not to react to the metaphorical stab wound of Mint's words as Kiara nodded with a strained smile. Cocoa chuckled weakly, trying to be polite as she urged us onward as we continued toward Medai while I trudged along behind them after stuffing the Toad Legs back into my inventory while doggedly trying to forget the… smell.

Damn it Kayaba why did you have to program smell so realistically! I sighed internally as we continued or hike toward Medai Village. Thankfully the number of Wild Toads thinned out as we got closer and soon we reached the village outskirts. In the corner of my vision the words Safe Zone appeared bringing with them a wave of relief as I was finally able to relax my guard. Good lord this was a lot more nerve wracking than I thought it would be. How do those Isekai Protagonists deal with this? I suppose having the security of their Godlike OP skills to fall back on made going out less of a struggle. I turned to my guards and flashed them my most winning smile.

"Here we are at last my dear friends! Welcome to Medai Village! It was quite the perilous trek but we completed the first leg of our trip safely! If I could trouble you to allow us to visit the local shop, I have a quick delivery I must make!" I wanted to offload some of my drops and replenish my funds, not to mention I needed a breather to calm my nerves before we went back out into the wilds.

The girls held a quick discussion at my request. Being an NPC sure is convenient, Players will talk about all sort of things in front of me without a care! Soon after they agreed and we set out into the village. It was a quaint little village, humble wooden houses that you might find situated out in the countryside. I discreetly kept an eye on my minimap and soon noticed the largest building in the village was labeled as an Adventurer Guild. They have one all the way out here in this minor village? I'd expect to see something like that in the City of Beginnings honestly.

My curiosity now perked I let the girls to it and stepped inside. We were quickly assaulted by a wave of bustling noise of people as we were greeting by the sight of what looked pretty much like the stock Light Novel version of an Adventurer Guild. Complete with pretty receptionists and all! How… original. Yet this place according to my map also doubled as the town item shop as well. According to what I remember from Argo's guide this place was a source of hunting quests for the mobs in the region. As I glanced around the room I could help but feel a nagging sense of familiarity. Had I seen this place somewhere before?

No this wasn't the time to let my mind wander, most of the other receptionists were engaged talking to other NPCs and a couple of players, but I noticed one that was currently unattended and stepped up to greet her. As I opened my mouth to begin my spiel I was once again assaulted by another nagging sense of deja vu. This receptionist was familiar as well! I could of sworn I seen her somewhere before…. She was an older woman who exuded a big sister aura, had wavy blond hair tied back in a bun and golden eyes. She was wearing a red ribbon around her neck and wore a white off the shoulder low cut top that well showed off her abundant… *cough* personality that… I felt my thoughts cut off as I could feel three piercing stares boring a hole into my back as I hurriedly cleared my throat and fixed my gaze upon the familiar receptionist's face.

"Salutations and greetings my good receptionist!" I exclaimed with a beaming smile, "I, Lyrista the Merchant have come with a delivery of goods to grace your fine establishment with!" the receptionist seemed to start with confusion for a brief moment before smiling in recognition as I heard a chime ring in my ears.

"Oh, you must be the one bringing the supplies we needed! I'm relived you've arrived, we were just about to run out." she said before bobbing a quick bow of gratitude doing rather interesting things to… I hurriedly tore my gaze away again before a window suddenly popped up into my view.

 _ **Merchant Quest**_

 _ **Special Delivery!**_

 _ **The kitchens of Medai Village's Adventurer Guild have run out of Wild Toad Legs! Deliver 25 Wild Toad Legs to Luna the Receptionist and be richly rewarded!**_

Wait what? There was a quest for Wild Toad legs after all? But I just made it up as an excuse! This guild only does Hunting Quests, not Gathering Quests! What's going on here? The girls standing behind me didn't seem to react beyond a quiet discussion, it looks like only I got this quest. It didn't mention what the reward was but I found myself intrigued anyway, fortunately I had enough drops from earlier to meet the quota. I quickly accepted and turned them over.

Luna flashed her professional smile as she accepted the items. "Marvelous! All items are accounted for. It's a relief that we were able to find a supplier in you on such short notice Mr. Lyrista. We'll continue to rely on you in the future! We'll see that you get your fee for your services."

Another chime ringed in my ears as my log informed me that the quest was complete, but I didn't see any rewards listed in the log. Wait that's it! That's not fair damn it! It was then a new icon appeared on my HUD, indicating that I now had a buff applied. When I focused my gaze on it I could see an explanation.

 _ ******_ _ **Medai Village Supplier****_

 _ **Receiving 1% cut on profit of all items bought by Players at Medai Village Adventurer Guild**_

 _ **Time remaining: 7 days**_

 __Incredible… I never imagined I could do something like this! Somehow by pure chance my words had triggered a quest with this shop and now I was being treated as a supplier for it. Even if it was only temporary this could have incredible earning potential if I timed things right in the future! Even 1% of sales could add up over thousands of players!

"Mr. Lyrista? Is there anything else I can help you with?" Luna's voice cut into my racing thoughts and brought me back to the present. Whoops! I can't let my mind wander now!

"Oh, sorry my dear, I didn't mean to hold up the line. Allow me to sell these items to you." I hurriedly queued up my remaining drop items from earlier to sell. As I was finishing up another voice interrupted from the side.

"Isn't that the weirdo Merchant Guy? What's he doing all the way out here?" I heard the voices of players say as I was finishing up the transaction with Luna. I kept my focus on her, pretending that this wouldn't be something I would react to as an NPC. I vaguely recognized them, I think I've seen these guys with Kiabou before though I couldn't place their names at the moment. I pretended to continue to ignore the conversation as Cocoa, Kiara, and Mint quickly distracted them as they began to chat. The girls were polite but guarded as they explained they were on a Quest in the area and that I was a part of it.

The guys were naturally curious and tried to wheedle more information out of them but the girls held their ground and said they'd sell the information to Argo later once they figured this escort quest out. The guys winced sympathetically at the dreaded words of the escort quest but seemed to accept that easily enough, clearly gamers themselves. They offered to help out but the girls waved them off, clearly not wanting to deal with a group of young men trying to hit on the team of cute girls. Not that I could blame them, some of those looks they were giving them were a little… creepy.

I cleared my throat roughly as I turned to the group and flashed the cheesiest grin I could. "Thank you for waiting, my delivery is complete and I am ready to depart. Shall we be off my friends?" without waiting for a response I turned and made my way to the door as the girls followed in a rush, shouting apologetic excuses over their shoulders to the crestfallen guys as they used my departure to escape the conversation. Thankfully the guys seemed to be able to take a hint as they didn't bother us further to the obvious relief of my guards. As we made it outside a thought occurred as I turned to them.

"Do you have everything you need to continue? I'm afraid Tolbana is still a ways away and we won't have much chance to restock." I said as the girls quickly scanned their inventories. We did leave the guild in a hurry and it was the only shop in the village. I'd hate to get them away from lonely horny gamers just to get us all killed in the wilderness because I hustled them out before they got a chance to resupply.

"Not to worry Mr. Lyrista. We still have plenty of potions and our equipment durability is A-Ok. We're ready when you are!" Cocoa said as the others nodded in agreement, clearly having no desire to go back in there. We quickly set off again to avoid other players confirming our route as we continued our way north through the floor.

The next few hours of hiking was fairly uneventful, but I was at least grateful that our digital bodies in SAO didn't have to deal with getting footsore. Though it was strangely worrying that I didn't seem to grow physically fatigued no matter how long we walked. Eventually we finally reach the valley area near the center of the floor. We had stopped so that the girls could take a breather and organize their items, quietly chatting as they did so while studying their copies of Argo's guide. I was able to take advantage of their distraction to do the same while sitting and facing away from them to disguise what I was doing.

I compared what I could see on the map to the visuals that I could see. The moutain ranges made it difficult to be sure but I could see an indistinct shape in the distance that appeared to be stretching into the sky and ceiling of what was the bottom of the Second Floor. Could this be the Labyrinth Tower? Checking the time I could tell we were well into the afternoon but there was still at least several hours of daylight left. At my suggestion we had been avoiding groups of others players, the girls agreeing as they didn't want to potentially have to give up their claim on the information for Tolbana before they could find it and we had made good time thanks to it.

Surveying the valley region I tried to spot any mobs I could but didn't see any. It looks like Argo's notes about the valley being monster free were accurate after all. It was inside the field dungeons where things might get messy with the more confined spaces. Still it was only Kobold Grunts in the field dungeons so it shouldn't be too bad just yet. Once we got through the dungeon I could now see off in the distance we'd get to the hard part. Navigating the unexplored area to try to find Tolbana… Oops, it sounds like the girls are done getting ready. I quickly stowed away my guide and made a show of studying the ruins off in the distance.

"Ready to go Mr. Lyrista? We're going to adjust our formation inside the dungeon so please stay behind us as we go. We'll get you through this so don't worry one bit." Cocoa said as we descended down into the valley.

"Of course my dear, I leave my safety in you and your friend's capable hands." I exclaimed dramatically with a smile which they all laughed sheepishly at as we made our way into the cave. I took a deep calming breath as my eyes adjusted to the lighting of the underground field dungeon. The girls lit a torch and with a flash of inspiration I volunteered to be the bearer of it, freeing them up to focus on fighting which they accepted gratefully as we cautiously made our way into the dungeon. Unlike the more open fields the dungeon didn't allow us a lot of room to maneuver and the thought of getting flanked and cut off was making me tense.

I kept a firm eye out, as did my guards but strangely enough we didn't seem to encounter a single Kobold much less any sort of mob at all. Did somebody come by here recently? This is the main route to the labyrinth so maybe someone cleared this area out and the mobs hadn't respawned yet. Strangely enough this was actually more unsettling than having to fight our way through, just creeping through the passage… waiting for the telltale sound of a monster spawning… directly in our formation… or right behin

My internal horror movie narration cut itself off as we could hear the quiet echoing of footsteps of someone approaching us from ahead in the dungeon. The person came into view and we beheld a young black haired boy wearing a blue shirt, black pants, and a chest protector armor piece. He was carried slung over his shoulder an unconscious girl wrapped in a sleeping bag over his shoul….. oh god it was Kirito. What the hell was going on? Why was this even happening already? It was too early damn it! Are things butterflying already?

Any further thoughts were interrupted by Cocoa's angry yell as all three of them raised their weapons threateningly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THAT GIRL YOU PERVERTED BASTARD!"

Kirito promptly froze with a wide eyed deer in the headlights expression his mouth flapping open soundlessly as the girls advanced on him with murderous expressions. Oh dear… I think I better save him shouldn't I?

**Chapter End**

"HOLD THE IT RIGHT THERE DAMN IT!" the man known as Lyrista roared as he stood in an empty void of darkness, "This wasn't supposed to be a story about Kirito! You're going to turn this into a generic Harem story after all! This was your plan from the beginning!" At these words blue stakes of power formed in the air and lashed out into the void.

Cold feminine cackling echoed into the stillness of the void as the darkness shimmered and formed into the shape of a young looking red headed twin tailed girl who appeared to be roughly 13 years of age with glowing red eyes. Wearing a shimmering cloak of darkness she floated unafraid of the oncoming blue stakes as she folded her arms and sneered.

"How foolish. Your head is as empty as your theories." she lazily flicked a finger and a wave of power rose to meet the blue stakes as a flash of red light smote the space in front of her. "Kirito is not a main character in this story! His actions are mere background events that will sometimes intersect with Lyrista's but they have no more importance than any other named character in these events!" LYRISTA smote down the blue stakes and sent Lyrista flying with a yelp and sent sprawling to "floor" of this empty space.

"Ugghh fine. I'll give you ten to one odds this'll get complaints anyway. Besides why are we even doing this bit anyway? Have you been reading too much Umineko again? Besides why do you even look like that anyway?" Lyrista grumbled as he climbed to his feet.

"Well this is an Umineko parody isn't it? I can hardly play as the Witch if I look like what I normally do after all." LYRISTA grinned with a sadistic smirk. "Now any other theories about the story for me to rip apart? Or will you just show the readers more of your foolishness?"

Lyrista growled and pointed at the cackling Witch with a grimace. "You're damn right I have more theories, first of all, what's going to happen next is..."

"Oh I'm sorry, we're fresh out of time. Until next chapter my readers." LYRISTA smiled as she turned to the audience and curtsied.

"HEY! That's not fair!" Lyrista yelled but LYRISTA only blew a playful raspberry in response, "Don't care, evil!"


End file.
